Wednesday, June 17, 2009

No Longer Married, Still with Children

Kids, Family, and Divorce

Preparing Children For Divorce

Discussing Divorce with Your Family

The Emotional Effects of Divorce on Children

Providing for Children Post-Divorce (Financial, Emotional, Health)

Parenting in Two Households

Child Support

Child Custody

Preparing for Custody Evaluations

Blended Families

Commonly made mistakes when negotiating a divorce settlement

6 Mistakes to Avoid in the Divorce Settlement Process

Maintaining your financial security is one of your most important considerations when faced with divorce. Your main concern should be negotiating the best possible settlement agreement — one you know you can live with after the ink dries on your divorce decree.

There are many steps you can take to ensure you will come through the process financially secure. Below is a list of some commonly made mistakes when negotiating a divorce settlement — make sure you don't fall victim to them!

1. Never agree to a termination date for spousal support or alimony if the law does not require it. Make sure the wording in your divorce decree states that this issue has to be revisited in court before payments can stop. You may continue to need financial assistance from your ex-spouse past a date in your decree. You want to have the option of arguing against modification of support in court.

2. Never use the same attorney that your husband is using. So many women fall prey to this and end up regretting it later. Your husband's attorney is being paid to protect your husband's interests. You need an attorney who will protect your interests. Using one attorney will save money in the short-term but you will likely pay for it in the long-term.

3. If your husband assumes any debt that is jointly held, make sure your name is removed from the accounts. Do this before your divorce is final. If he refuses to pay after the divorce, you don't want your credit score negatively affected by his defiance.

4. Don't fight for assets you can't afford to maintain. Houses, boats, vacation homes, and automobiles all come with their own expenses. If your post-divorce budget is not going to allow you to keep up with those expenses then let those assets go. So many women fight to keep the family home — they feel it is important for their children to remain in the home they grew up in. In the end, these women suffer financially and live daily with the stress of having a home they can't afford.

5. If you have children who will one day go to college, make sure those expenses are negotiated now. Most states do not require a non-custodial parent to help with college expenses. Addressing this issue at the time of divorce will hopefully keep you from having to pay for college alone.

6. Finally, NEVER sign your final divorce decree without fully reading and comprehending every word. If you have doubts about what you read, don't allow anyone to make you feel guilty about not wanting to sign it. Don't sign your name to it until you are 100% satisfied with your settlement and the wording in the decree.

Cathy Meyer is the head of About.com's Divorce Support channel.

Related Articles:

10 Tips for Managing Your Settlement, by Kate Vunic

How to Renegotiate a Divorce Settlement, with Laurie Puhn (video)

Click the following for more articles and resource videos on Getting A Divorce

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Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Stop Hurting Papa's Little Girls

Papa, I can't help but feel that people are taking advantage of the fact that our protector, you, is gone.

Our hearts ache for you, my girls (and myself) need you here, so very much.

And the "self-victimized" (soon to be ex-family) ones continue to torment us...and it's Grandparents this Friday at Anna's school and you won't be here...and you know who decided to attend this year smugly will be...and, now God is taking our beloved Grandma Great as well, it's too much, Papa...

What is with the world today?
When did it become okay to not care?
When did parents stop teaching their children compassion?
Why isn't my child receiving the support and tender care that her broken little heart so desperately needs?
Is it okay now to not be nice?
Are people really this self-saturated, cruel and/or apathetic to not factor in and/or give any weight or sensitivity to the past year of literal living hell that my eldest daughter has been forced to endure?
I feel like I recently woke up only to live in a nightmare...and I am devastated and horrified by what I see.

Maybe I've been so damn busy trying to teach my own children compassion, empathy and understanding that I have completely ignored the vile and cruel behavior of some neighbor friends, teachers and even some relatives towards my little girl.
I am sickened by what I see.
Sometimes I wish I could scream at the entire universe to "stop hurting my little girls!
I'm so sorry, sweet ones...I'm so sorry that I didn't protect you enough sooner, Mama will take care of you and we will be okay, I promise.
He holds us in the palm of His hand...never forget...xoxoxo